So the other night I’m dreaming again, right? Right. I’m in the middle of some city, in an old abandoned building that just happens to be guarded by elite guards and stuff. Somehow, I make my escape, and as I’m running out the door of the building, I see a shriveled-up CGI Hulk laying outside one of the cells. I know at this point that something weird is going to happen.
So I get out of the building and start running, only to round a corner and spot two guards running at me. What do I do? Dreaming, and thus somewhat lacking in the common sense department, I run back into the building, thinking, “Aha! They’ll never expect me to run back into the building. I’m a genius!”
I’m hiding back inside my cell when the building starts to shake. I have half a second to think, “What the…?” when the wall explodes. The shriveled-up Hulk is no longer shriveled, and is now actively throwing boulders at the building, I guess in some sort of rabid attempt to destory things, like Hulk seems to enjoy doing.
Somehow, I think I’m safe for the time being, but just to make sure, I crawl under the cot occupying my cell. Another few boulders crash through the wall, none of which strike me, and so I just think I can wait it out.
But no. My Spidey Sense chose that moment to kick in.
The camera pans out and time slows way down, just like when some cool martial arts thing is about to happen in the Matrix. I see the Hulk’s face contort with rage as he flings yet another boulder at the building. It hits the wall with excrutiating slowness and explodes, shards spraying everywhere in an attempt to eradicate every form of life in the building, including me.
That’s when I see myself, and I turn out to be none other than Mario himself, jumping and spinning through the air, dodging the rock shards with the greatest of ease.
As the rubble begins to subside, time kicks back into full speed and I regain my first person point of view. I run from the building, shaking my fist at the Hulk (but secretly delighted at my amazing ability not to get hit by sharp, flying objects), and I notice an elite guard has somehow survived the attack on his homestead. He spots me and begins to give chase. I duck around the corner into a near by restaurant, where I shed Luigi’s jacket–yep, I’d been Spidey Mario disguised as Luigi all along–in an attempt to foil my pursuer, like Harrison Ford did in The Fugitive. (He wasn’t wearing Luigi’s jacket, but it was St. Patrick’s Day, which are both green.)
Unfortunately, the elite guard wasn’t fooled, because the restaurant owner flagged him down and tattled on me. On the lam once again, I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and speed dial my trusty friend Ben for a ride out of this place. Turns out trusty ol’ Ben is at home with the kids and can’t be bothered to come rescue me. So, out of escape options, I promptly woke up, and groggily wondered what was the matter with me (secretly delighted to have such cool dreams, of course).